the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
