capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
