She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
