Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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