Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
