I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize