so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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