It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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