She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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