Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize