just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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