if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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