my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
