We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
