you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
