party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
