I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
