I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You were trust falling into bushes
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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