I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
