my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
