Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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