She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
