im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
