maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
