I wanna bring you to show and tell
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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