I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
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