I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize