If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
