Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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