There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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