What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
