Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize