My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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