You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
