Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
