Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
