Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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