yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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