Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize