are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
