i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
