did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
