i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
