i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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