update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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