Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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