i robbed the continental breakfast last night
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
