then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
