yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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