New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
