I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
