I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
