"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
