Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
