Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
