You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
