they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
