Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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