I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
