You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
