Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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