More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
