well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
