I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
