I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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