just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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