i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
