I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
