it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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