I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Randomize
